The Inner World of Eden: Loving an Emotionally Unavailable Man: Learning to Let Go of What Could Have Been Instead of What Is

Fast forward over a year later after my stint as a rebound, here I am once again caught up in a tangled affair of stupid, foolish dreaming, wishful thinking and what could have been instead of what was and is. I was literally caught up in the potential of it all.

You see, I have been "in love" with this man in particular since we reconnected in 2015. He was everything I wanted in a man - masculine, old world, hard working, a good provider to his children as a single father and a protector.

We had served in the Navy many years ago so I felt this special bond with him. So when I moved to the same city he lived in due to a new job, I was so happy and ecstatic that I would be where he is. I had loved him from afar and now I could be even more closer to making my dream that much more closer to a reality.

Instead of a dream come true, however, it became a nightmare. I have been on the worst roller coaster ride of my life over the last two weeks since I slept with him.

You see - I was too blind to see what I see now - that he is an emotionally unavailable man, incapable of giving me what I want and need. Too selfish to trust and too selfish to let go of his ego and pride and take a chance with me (or any other woman he has pursued). He never pursued me. I thought we had a pretty good solid friendship, but looking back now - I see there really was no solid anything. Only his selfishness and self-absorbed pain.

He was never really there for me anyway. Never did anything to pursue me. Instead, I was pursuing him. I sooooo wanted a relationship with him that I became a pursuer even when I wasn't intending to be. He has been the most perplexing puzzle of a man since I met him that he was just so hard to read and figure out.

He intrigued me and I wanted to know him more. Every chance I could find to go see him, I took advantage of the opportunity. I had done this for the last two years, always patiently in the background while he pursued other women dating around. I, of course, didn't know - except that his kids would sometimes blurt something out about them trying to make him marry so-and-so.

As a matter of fact, two weeks ago, I had found that he had a girl friend (or he did), according to his youngest son who they were trying to set up and get him to marry. I felt so foolish that day because I wanted to see him and spend time with him. When I found that out, I held it together until I got into my Jeep and cried on my way home. I felt like such a fool. Little did I know how foolish I'd get even later, but I'll get to that point in a minute.

Anyway, I am a communicator and I like to communicate my thoughts, feelings and intentions heavily in texting and writing. I apologized to him regarding my foolish attempt to spend time with him when he already had a girl friend. But then he went on to say that it didn't work out.

I see now why it didn't and why he will never be able to be in a relationship. He is incapable of love. Too stubborn to let down his guard because he has been burned so many times. And I haven't? I mean, we share so much in common.

He gave me a pretty good sob story of how he has been hurt and damaged and my heart went out to him. I hurt for him. That's when the "hook, line, and sinker" entered. He reeled me in to come to him at 01:30 in the morning to have the most amazing, passionate sex I ever had with a man. He was so considerate. Gentle, yet rough. Very sensual and sexual - it was like my whole body caught on fire and my feelings for him intensified even more. Two hours. I had never had sex that much with a man. He was amazing. Left his imprint on me and left my body in want for days afterwards.

The next few days, however, would spin me into a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows in which he could not comprehend because he simply cannot. I had never in my life had a man affect me the way he did and I haven't been able to eat, sleep or concentrate on anything, but him. Oh, how much more I wanted of him! Despite all the conflicted thoughts and feelings in-between this wanderlust fantasy and reality.

Because I became this emotional overwhelming whirlwind, he began to give me the cold shoulder. No matter what I said, how many times I apologized or tried to reason with him, he pulled away and had become more distant with me. I blamed myself. I was under the impression that things were starting to turn out in a somewhat good direction, but now I see that I was just being stupid and hopeful.

In reality, an emotionally unavailable man does not care for your feelings or emotions. He simply cannot because there is no emotional attachment. The primitive part of his nature has no relation to emotional reasonings or feelings.

No matter how many times I tried to explain myself, encourage him, apologize for upsetting him and/or get him to open up or at least initiate another encounter or date with me, nothing. He would read my messages and not respond. If it was something other than "us," I could get a peep or two of an answer, but that's about it.

Otherwise, I was on a one-sided conversation. He was never much of a conversationalist over text or messaging, but a great person to talk to in-person. Since we had been so intimate together, we had such a great talk after we made love. I loved being around him. He has such a masculine presence that it can be intoxicating. It was the most beautiful thing. Unfortunately, it was short-lived.

I just couldn't understand him. No matter how many times I Googled "why is he so silent," "why is he so distant," "When he says he's not ready for a relationship," and/or "when he says he's not good for you" or "what to do with an emotionally unavailable man," I still find myself being filled with more questions than answers. I read article after article trying to understand how a complicated man could be such a total fucktard and put me on an emotional roller coaster ride without so much a care about my well-being.

After many messages of trying to explain myself and relate to his level (hello - wounded woman over here always putting her heart out there like a damn fool), he just wouldn't budge.

So yesterday, I finally found the courage to leave. I was afraid to let him go. I didn't want to let him go because I do love him. Or the version of him that I planted in my mind. I wanted "us," but "us" would never be. And that is the cold, hard truth - loving an emotionally unavailable man is like having a one-sided relationship. As if you're talking to a brick wall. You'll never get anywhere with a man like that.

I finally made the decision to cut all ties with him and block him out of my life for good so I can get my sanity and peace of mind back. It hurts like HELL, but I am worth more than this. I chose me over him and what could be to loving myself enough to walk away with my dignity still intact. Some things are just meant to be without closure.

I had tried to reason with him. I had tried to get through to him. All my efforts were to no avail. An emotionally unavailable man like him will not find anything safe in your words or actions to help him open up. He will continue to distance himself and leave you feeling worse than before, second guessing everything and making you run around with anxiety wanting to "fix" it all.

If you are in love with an emotionally unavailable man, PLEASE, PLEASE walk away. It's not worth it. You can't change him. You won't be able to, no matter how much you try. He has to recognize it in himself that he needs help, seek help and deal with the root of his emotional abandonment, and to love himself before he can love someone else.

If you are in a relationship or attempting a relationship with a man or woman who is not emotionally available - let him or her go. For your sake and your sanity. Do yourself a favor - spare yourself and your sanity and walk away.